I often look at my life and say to myself: “wow, I really need to get out more” and IMMEDIATELY my overactive, ambitious side starts approaching my need for fun as a task on a Kanban board (SMH). I’m embarrassed but, this is what it looks like:
- schedule in a happy hour at a local wine bar (predecessor task: find one with a vibey scene)
- go for a walk with a fictional audiobook (predecessor task: Find a chart toper on Audible)
- Plan a date night (shop for: all the ingredients and send him a cute invite text…)
If you are CRINGING, triggered, or feeling called out, you know this is hitting a chord. Keep reading….
Now…. I’m ABSOLUTELY not saying the things above are not ‘fun’ but, what I am saying, is that they are forced and contrived. Contriving play is an oxymoron. And our organized, self-reflective and wellness-conscious selves should be aware of it so we can learn to have more HONEST fun.
Instead of arbitrarily adding forced fun into your schedule incorporate a healthy balance of the below play-pillars so you can truly reap the benefits of play. (If you are still in denial that play is important for you, check out this article first!)
Let’s dive in to learn the art of play.
The 5 Play-Pillars
Play-pillars are the basic tenants required to master the art-of-play. Sprinkle these babies into your day-to-day happenings for a joyful and playful existence (even if you are working a lot!).
For each pillar, I will provide examples but remember, play is extremely personal, and if you copy these exactly, you might be defeating the purpose. With that, take a bit of what you need and leave the rest!
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Spontaneity
I think this is a more obvious one but an important pillar. Be a little cliché and surprise yourself with improvisational and slightly impulsive decisions. This does not mean you have to book yourself a last-minute vacation to Lake Como (but if you do, please book 2 tickets because I’m coming with you). Basically, unplanned and slightly risky decisions make for an exciting time for your nervous system! You are very subtlety activating your sympathetic nervous system but in the best way.
Examples: choosing a flat white vs. your normal latte; listening to a podcast that you pick w a blind scroll, or changing up your schedule the morning or buying the dress that you loveee but it really outside your normal wear
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Imagination
Exercising your imagination is such a vital part of embracing your playful side but we RARELY allow ourselves the opportunity as adults. It’s one thing to use this in a work brainstorm and another to simply do it for the sake of it.
The way I visualize this pillar is connecting 2 neural pathways that are otherwise unexpected, together. This is certainly not a technical explanation as much as it is a way to visualize the pillar of imagination. So, allow yourself to sit and just connect your craziest ideas together. Let your brain run wild.
Examples: play charades, create a pinterest board for your fall style inspiration, brainstorm what your future self would look like, wear, say etc. write a short story of meeting your most ideal friend
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Failure
As much as it sucks to have a not ideal experience, it’s necessary for you to leave room for your own interpretation and allowing yourself to not have a perfectly fun experience every time. If you are failure proofing your fun-time, you are not allowing yourself the opportunity for comparison to appreciate the good or even laughing at the bad. Failures not only make for a good story but they also teach you a lot!
As a good rule of thumb, stop yelping every restaurant and checking reviews for everything. Part of living a playful existence is allowing yourself to define what you like/vs. don’t like! The best way to explain this is to reframe FOMO (fear of missing out) to allowing yourself the JOY of EXPERIENCING (and later having a choice to like/not-like).
Examples: try on the color that you don’t usually wear and ROCK it, show up without looking up the menu and order what SOUNDS good to you, tell someone if you love them even if you don’t know how they feel, paint a still-life
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Intuition
Following your intuition is probably one of the hardest pillars of play and it’s because we are so accustomed to muting our internal dialogue. Getting really connected with your intuition can help you run into the people, things, places, shops you never knew you wanted/needed until you got there. Intuitive action breeds for serendipity. I loveeee experiencing the random coincidences and knowing that I literally could never have PLANNED it this way.
Examples: doing what comes up in your meditation, calling up a friend randomly who you haven’t chatted with in a while, letting your body tell you what it needs/doesn’t in yoga class
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Connection
Play is most often associated with this pillar because it’s so much more enjoyable when you can share the joy with someone else! Connection can look like a lot of different things, but most of all, it’s your ability to chat or listen to someone for the sake of it. This is like a bonus pillar, because if you can enjoy the other pillars, acting in connection with others is like the cherry on top!
Examples: FLIRT and banter with your partner, send memes and poke fun at the people you love, hang around extra-long in the coffee shop and strike up a convo w the person next to you
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Physicality
So this is a tricky pillar of play because its different than simply engaging in exercise. To clarify: I don’t mean this in the literal sense of the word, I’m not talking “play” = your Pilates or yoga class but I AM talking about things like playing around in handstand to see if you can stay upright, or doing cartwheels or bridges because it’s fun WHILE you are in your class.
There are ways to incorporate play into your movement routines, such as, Sculpt Society dance classes but be careful to go down this slippery slope. It’s ok to find your exercise fun and playful but be careful not to ONLY engage in this type of play to fill your “fun” quota.
Examples: testing how long you can hold a plank, dancing with a blindfold on – intuitive movement, training for a marathon with friends
The Right Balance of the Pillars
Some these tenants may be easier for you to sprinkle in and some may feel like omg that is NOT me….well that’s good, now you know what ways you LIKE to play. What things EXCITE you vs. not. I think it’s a good thing.
I encourage you to try a few and stick to them and don’t question too much if you are having fun. If you are feeling low or need a little jolt of fresh honest fun, try embracing a tenant that you don’t usually jive with and see how it feels to incorporate it into the week!
OR simply go back to doing the one thing where you lose sight of the time or day.
If that happens, you ARE doing it right.
Remember, play is innately and incredibly personal. To illustrate this point, I truly believe my mom finds JOY in cleaning her home, and while I regularly question her sanity, I really can’t be one to judge because it’s HER joy to experience. Also, what you may find joy in some days may not be something you find joy in forever – having fun is sort of a fickle thing to “accomplish”. Rather just keep things interesting for yourself.
You Are Not a Sim
You know in the Sims where you can click on someone’s head and say “Swim in Pool” lol….Well, that is sometimes how I feel when I’m assigning myself “fun time”.
If you catch yourself treating yourself like a Sim and prescribing “fun”, please stop. Some examples of forced fun could look like these in your calender: “date night”, “free time”, “down time”, “girls night”, or even regimented a min-by-min travel itinerary… I ask you to go and delete these right now.
We are so stiffened by society and ultimately we must become more malleable to engage in play as a part of life.
All in all, don’t overthink, if you incorporate at least 2-3 of these components. REMEMBER, the art of play is VOLUNTARY. No one can (even yourself) tell you to “play” because the sheer forcing of play disqualifies it and makes it work. So don’t even think about putting “play more” as a goal on your next months tracker. Instead, use one of these tenants and try to simply bake them into your life as you have it.
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RELATED: The Most Surprising Wellness Benefits of Play in Adulthood
