What did you do the last time it fell totally SILENT in your home? If your instinct was to fill that silence with something, then you're not alone.
This blog post delves into the fear of silence, the anxiety it can induce, and the journey of overcoming the unsettling sound of silence.
It took me a while to even realize that I was fearful of silence. I used to justify it as just being “type-A” and loved to squeeze every ounce of time out of the day.
There was a permanent soundtrack to my life.
I would blare music in my car or listen to podcasts incessantly, but the fear became more serious when my husband deployed. The house was SILENT, with no hustle or bustle of another person and even more quiet/alone time.
For MONTHS, I resorted to filling every spare moment with distractions, whether it was hosting friends and family (bless them for visiting me while I was on my own), working ridiculous hours and avoiding any sliver of .
In retrospect, it was clearly unhealthy as I was exhibiting avoidance tendencies under the guise of ‘being productive’ or ‘needing to keep up with work.’ Little did I realize, there is immense BEAUTY stored inside of our minds and you can uncover more than you could dream if you learn to overcome the initial discomfort.
So how do you recognize if you are silencing the silence? Let's get into the subtle signs of avoidant behavior, which often go unnoticed.
The Subtle Signs
We are experts at tricking ourselves into believing that staying busy is a virtue. Here are some common behaviors that could indicate a fear of silence:
- Keeping the TV on in the background during various activities like cooking, working, or folding laundry.
- Automatically turning on music or a podcast in the car, as if it's instinctual.
- Calling someone - *ANYONE*, as soon as you're in the car.
- Picking up extra work or trying to get ahead, even when it can wait, or you are tired.
- Engaging in unnecessary arguments with your partner when you're bored, simply to entertain yourself.
- THE LIST GOES ON…
If you find yourself doing any of these things, it's possible that you, too, fear silence. It's not easy to come to terms with it, but it's a crucial step in addressing the reality.
The Root of Sedataphobia
Sedataphobia – the fear of silence – is no surprise, on the rise.
The phobia is caused from the overwhelm of intrusive thoughts when things fall silent -- the chronic repression of feelings, emotions and concerns essentially causes your psyche to boil over. By masking yourself, you leave your body no choice other than to surface ALL THE THOUGHTS like a pipe bursting instead of a steady trickle.
This can feel extremely overwhelming and scary and can develop into something more serious if you don’t learn to approach the silence with curiosity and allow it into your life in regular small doses.
Regular exposure to silence encourages can feel daunting, unproductive, scary as hell BUT, practicing in a controlled manner is definitely better than feeling everything at once because you have repressed for so long. A silent practice will support your long-term mental health and it’s best to address this head on with the help of a therapist or coach to avoid this anxiety getting more serious.
Define a Plan for Exposure Therapy
To get used to silence, you must endure it and, eventually, you may embrace it. Start slowly and incrementally increase the time, and intensity you spend in a quiet “time-out”.
Allow yourself to suffer through stages of "I’m BORED" or "I'd rather be productive or listening to something" It's essential to confront these feelings and just allow yourself to face whatever comes up a few minutes at a time until you can extend it a little longer and longer.
For me, my very gradual progression took months of practice and still requires consistent check-in’s in other places in my life. But with regular practice, I’m now able to sit in silence in cars and can even extend my meditations up to an hour or so.
Below you will see the journey that allowed me to drive in silence. As I got more comfortable, I decreased the stimulation intensity and increased the time for introspection.
- STARTING POINT
- BLARING MUSIC *40 decibels* - l literally couldn’t hear ANYTHING (not even emergency vehicles, -- definitely not safe)
- THE MIDDLE STAGES
- Queued up PODCASTs on 1.75 speed, locked and loaded – before even pulling out of my driveway
- INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC – Chants/Yoga music – sort of zen but still stimulation
- 1 WAY – (either phone call or relaxed instrumental music only); 1 WAY – SILENCE
- THE LAST STAGES
- Silence both ways – (it still was so very painful but, easier than if I had gone cold turkey and not exposed myself to less intense stimuli SLOWLY)
- NOWADAYS, I actually PREFER silent car rides especially when there is a lot on my mind and can happily enjoy a podcast or music when I feel like!
You can apply a similar process to train yourself down from overstimulation from other activities too. Just start slow, and gradually wean off of the noise/stimulation so you can do it gently.
Finding the Power in Silence
The next time your house falls silent, or your podcast comes to an end, challenge yourself to sit with it. Allow your thoughts to surface and linger in the stillness. If you need help, consider consulting a certified health professional or therapist. Overcoming the fear of silence is a transformative journey. Once you let your inner monologue run free, you'll be amazed at what you can create with your beautiful mind.
Learn to make more space for silence and self-discovery on our Instagram, where we share regular content to support your journey.
Remember, while I've shared my experiences, I'm not a health professional. If you believe your fear of silence is more intense or formally diagnosable, consult a therapist or healthcare provider to find the support you need.
